Suddenly realized I go into Twitter rants like Kanye.
I am such a Kanye West.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
If I Were You, I'd Hit On Me Too
I just had a real life Marshmallow test. And I'm glad I passed.
Been working out a lot lately, and I've been noticing some improvements. Not enough to land me a cover gig, but from where I was before, it's a definite step up. So, I was really tempted to post a photo of me shirtless.
BUT I realized, posting a photo of me shirtless now would lessen the impact of me posting the results when it's more drastic. I want to go for drastic, it's more dramatic. So I hold it off, arguing with myself that it's gonna be more impactful in a few more weeks if I work hard, work harder, work hardest even.
Which led me into think about other solutions. Like digital enhancement. I have a friend who's amazing with Photoshops. But that got me into thinking: digitally enhancing my photos means I'm giving up. It would mean that I've accepted that I do not have control over my reality, so I digitally alter it. I can't have that, I can't accept that.
Look, it's more than vanity, beyond narcissism. When men post shirtless photos of themselves, it's not because we're vain. It's because we feel good about the sense of accomplishment that our hard work. Looking good is the pay off, we don't show off the struggle.
You have to understand where I'm coming from. I wasn't born with good genes, I have so little to work with. For me to actually be noticed and appreciated for my looks is a big deal because I wasn't born into it. It's like how people who suddenly find themselves in the possession of an insane amount of fortune can't help but bask in the goldshine of it all.
Been working out a lot lately, and I've been noticing some improvements. Not enough to land me a cover gig, but from where I was before, it's a definite step up. So, I was really tempted to post a photo of me shirtless.
BUT I realized, posting a photo of me shirtless now would lessen the impact of me posting the results when it's more drastic. I want to go for drastic, it's more dramatic. So I hold it off, arguing with myself that it's gonna be more impactful in a few more weeks if I work hard, work harder, work hardest even.
Which led me into think about other solutions. Like digital enhancement. I have a friend who's amazing with Photoshops. But that got me into thinking: digitally enhancing my photos means I'm giving up. It would mean that I've accepted that I do not have control over my reality, so I digitally alter it. I can't have that, I can't accept that.
Look, it's more than vanity, beyond narcissism. When men post shirtless photos of themselves, it's not because we're vain. It's because we feel good about the sense of accomplishment that our hard work. Looking good is the pay off, we don't show off the struggle.
You have to understand where I'm coming from. I wasn't born with good genes, I have so little to work with. For me to actually be noticed and appreciated for my looks is a big deal because I wasn't born into it. It's like how people who suddenly find themselves in the possession of an insane amount of fortune can't help but bask in the goldshine of it all.
Monday, January 2, 2012
My insecurity has reached a new low
Saw this guy who has massive arms. I kept looking at them and then I looked at mine, and then, because I can't accept the fact that he has bigger arms despite looking puny, I bumped hard against him to check out if his arms are made of muscles or blubber.
It wasn't made of muscles. His arms are made of jelly. Shit, boy, why you so fat?
It made me feel good for a few moments before I realized what I had done. My insecurity has reached a new low, to the point that I would violently bump against a random stranger just to prove a point.
What have I turned into?
It wasn't made of muscles. His arms are made of jelly. Shit, boy, why you so fat?
It made me feel good for a few moments before I realized what I had done. My insecurity has reached a new low, to the point that I would violently bump against a random stranger just to prove a point.
What have I turned into?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)